It hurts in there.

It hurts in there
I can’t think it fast
or enough of it
to get rid of the frustration
because all those other thoughts
are thrown so quickly
from places
that are here
and that are there
some of them make believe
only to live in here
and the pain it builds
filling of conversations
that have happened
and haven’t
and I’m forgetting
my own point of view
trying to stand still
in a room
filling of everybody
and all their words
and all their thoughts
and I can’t always be kind
because I’m not
and I can’t always
pretend because I’m not an actress
my brain is exhausted
I can’t think it all
and there are times
that their words shatter
every thought I had
and even then
even if they’re right
I piece together the shatter pieces
placing it upon the wall
because this mirror
is mine
and the thoughts in this head
they shall be mine
and everyone
should speak
and I’ll listen yes
all I ask
is that you accept yourself
because I accept you
and with that
don’t force you upon me
and I’ll give you the same
in return.

Thanks for reading.
-Temperamentally Tina

It’ll keep breathing.

I don’t know
what this life has planned
I’m just alive
that’s what I know
and in my death
it’ll keep breathing
as my heart stops
other will continue to pump
and more will be discovered
because life keeps growing
it adds more
as it deletes out parts
that aren’t quite efficient
creating food
feeding upon each other.

Do we just adapt
and learn to eat it
or is it made for each other?
I don’t know
I just know life is
that’s all I can say
is that life is
and it will be
if not here on Earth
it’ll be somewhere
at all times
even if it’s not mine
or yours
life is still in growth
and in that
closing my eyes
forever may be a thought
that sends my heart into a panic
I know
that life is
and it will be.

Thanks for reading.
-Temperamentally Tina

Odd drawings with color.

My mind is constantly thinking in which I’m constantly stressing myself out over everything. I’m also a scattered type in which one thought leads to another and I’m all over the place. Which makes it difficult in writing an actual book because I quickly flake off into another character and spin it into another story. In which finishing a book becomes impossible. Which is why I’m often seeking ways to let my mind relax and just sort of take off without worrying about the outcome. That’s why I often turn to drawing. I just take pencil to paper and draw lines and often add eyes to places my mind sees faces. I’ve been experimenting with color in my drawings rather than sticking to black, white, and grays. The drawings below are drawings I’ve made using the whatever happens, happens technique. The technique helps me de-stress and not be so hard on myself. I place a substantial amount of pressure upon my stories which is another reason I always quit several pages in because the idea of failing at writing is horrifying because it’s one of the few things I have a passion for.

Thanks for reading.
-Temperamentally Tina

Living in my brain.

Living in my brain
has been difficult
I’d rather be here
than there
or anywhere else
although it hurts
always taking in
trying to interrupt
to get a word out
a thought
thrown amongst the rest
it feels anxious
and upset
it gets angered
when all noises hit at once
and the quiet is obliterated
it swells up
and it bursts out of my mouth
with words of annoyance and hurt
because all the noise
it’s to much
I can’t keep up
and my brain
it doesn’t often rest
it gets overwhelmed
trying to hear
trying to make itself heard
and there’s so much
everything at once
many brains to compete
and I know life isn’t competition
yet isn’t it?
To eat
to breathe
to drink water
isn’t it taking from another?
Every bite
every breath
every sip
even if
we don’t think about it.

Thanks for reading.
-Temperamentally Tina

I always think…

I always think
I should be more.

What is that
what is more
what is better?

They’re all thoughts
that change
from one thought to another
from one brain
out and in.

Within a minute
it’s different
because brains
are articulating
crunching the data
trying to think.

Each thought
I feel less
less like it matters
because I cannot fail
because failing is a mentality
and success is seconds in
and seconds thrown out.

In this place
in which screens
are between us
it’s easier to project an image
rather than be it
and I will not fake it
because I am not.

I just do
it isn’t quite
as good as the rest
and then I struggle
because I wonder what is best
does it exist?

Is best
having a thousand eyes reached
does it involve a bank account?
Because zeroes are often what I see
in the negative I am
so I just keep being
existing as I am.

Thanks for reading.
-Temperamentally Tina

I will focus on now.

I can’t believe
I can’t put my thoughts
my love
my life
in a box
packaged for the end
taking out
and burning all the parts
that aren’t acceptable
I will not
worry about after
I will focus on now
and now
I know I can’t bow
to any of these leaders
I cannot give myself
even to the smallest
I’ve never been one
to stop and listen
to the words of authority
napping in class
drool in my hair
I’ve never been able
to want
to take in
to be what I was taught
and now
it’s so messy
there’s just everybody
throwing out their words
and their codes
and their morals
and honestly
for me I don’t want it
I want to laugh
at morbid jokes
I want to laugh
and not be left hating myself
I want to write
and not be left
deleting the words
because they’re insensitive
I want to write
I want to laugh again
I don’t want to bow down
I don’t want to lay low
I want to fight
through the writers block
through the pain in my fingers
and I want to write
and I want to bring the laughter back
I want this world
to not be so critical
to realize we only hurt
if we ourselves hurt
comedy is laughter
lets laugh again
save the correctness
for true conversation
and legislation
lets laugh again
lets stop crawling upon the floors
because we’re ashamed
lets all laugh together
and accept
if you stopped hating yourself
you would laugh more
because it’s ourselves
that determine our reactions
and our confidence
that allows us to laugh
and it’s our low self worth
that is a bullies greatest weapon.

Thanks for reading.
-Temperamentally Tina

Who is winning?

Who is winning?
I hear that term often.
They’re winning!
I ask who?
Big Pharma!
Filled of employees
getting old
they’re wrinkling.
Our politicians!
They’re getting old
wrinkly skin
they’re aging.
The big CEOs!
They’re getting old
they’re wrinkling.
They’re getting old
they’re wrinkling
bodies enlarging
minds are loosing
all their thoughts slipping.
I ask who is winning?
The influencers!
Always struggling for likes
for one more laugh
enslaved by their homes
by their pretty places
botox faces.
Who is winning?
The poor
living out of their cars
parked outside
the house that once was theirs.
The middle class
exchanging pay checks
for goods
piled high,
their big break Hoarders
as others watch in disgust
because they’re not winning.
Your not winning
I’m not winning
they’re not winning
we’re all losers.
Change takes thoughts
and our minds are complacent
our thoughts checked out
and we’ve just carried on.
Moved by the past
sitting down
filling our heads
of history
and forgetting the now
it’s up to us
rather we’ll stay losers
trying to claim others the winner.
Allowing ourselves
to flake on the credit.
I’m sorry…
I know you don’t
want to hear it
this shit
it belongs to all of us.
There is no adult innocent left
it’s my fault
your fault
their fault
his, her, them, they
it’s all of us.

Thanks for reading.
-Temperamentally Tina

We don’t laugh.

We can’t joke about
the terrible
about the taboo
which means
when a head rolls
I must tear up
as I clean it up
I must feel it
always at every moment
when their feet
stink up
beneath the floorboards
I have to take out the nails
and dispose of the smell
and when the air
has a sense of rot
I have to clean the ducts
and dispose
of my last encounter
because comedy is dead
and I have to take it seriously
it’s time to gather the pieces
putting it back together
I’m sorry comedian
I must say
if only you knew
comedy was dead
you might not have slipped
upon my knife
if only you knew
we don’t laugh
unless it’s a cat
jumping in fear
of a cucumber
that shits funny
or a dog licking a babies face
yea real funny
that parent knows
germs don’t exist
I should be more like that
I’ll stand here
and I’ll only laugh
when I’m given the ok
by everybody…
because that is correctness.

Thanks for reading.
-Temperamentally Tina