No eyes stitches creature

I drew up several designs changing eyes in different places trying to make sense of the creature for now I chose to share the version of this creature with no eyes and long stitches. It looks like this…

The No Eyes Stitches Creature can be found on Redbubble. If interested in checking out other designs by me here’s that direct link TerriblyTina at Redbubble.

As a writer…

That is often how I feel, trapped within my mind watching terrible shit play out on a loop. Memories manufactured by my brain creating multiple worlds that emerge from short narratives presented by other humans in which my brain embellishes into sick and twisted scenarios. In which the characters are constantly trying to claw their way out, and I’m left staring at a computer screen thinking their stories aren’t worth sharing most of the time. As they continue to replay over and over. Always bringing me back to a dream I had a long time ago, with this old man sitting on the edge of my bed screaming in my ear, “write the damn book already,” startled awake afraid to close my eyes, because well he was an old man with sunken in eyes, and a stranger. I’m pretty sure a strange man in anyone’s room in the middle of the night would scare the shit out of them.

Anyways the line “As a writer, I feel I’m a prisoner trapped in an endless loop watching the depravity replay as if it was my own.” I decided to find it a home for now upon a notebook and stickers. I wrote it awhile back when I first started this blog to wrap my mind around my own thoughts of my writing. Ultimately when it comes to my darker writing style I have to pause and take long breaks between to keep me from total insanity. Recently I’ve found ways to continue to create and fulfill the itch I get to create by putting my energy into children’s stories and educational activities I create for my daughters and art. Although some of my drawings could be considered I wouldn’t say morbid just not happy pursue they definitely help escape some of the disturbing images that replay in my head as I work on my more disturbing stories.

If you or anyone you know feels the way I do heres the notebook for that. As a writer… notebook can be found on Redbubble along side several stickers. If interested in checking out designs by me here is that direct link TerriblyTina at Redbubble.

Is creativity dead?

Creativity is long dead, is how I often feel. As if there is nothing new left to create, I try when I write to think of something different something new. Often I’m left refurbishing old ideas, changing, stretching details of over done concepts. When finished I’m left staring at the words in frustration, feeling nothing I write will ever live up to the expectations I’ve set.

Recently when it comes to writing stories I’ve been attempting to let thoughts guide me, and stop determining where a story will end. I get wrapped up in each character and I end up all over the place. I’m also beginning to accept maybe I’m a short story writer not a novelist. I’m been trying to use that to my advantage, trying to create short stories intertwined in a bigger story. Often falling short of my plans.

For now I’m just going to keep trying to write as much as possible, as I push down the thought creativity is dead and the possibility of creating something new is improbable. Forcing myself to continue and eventually I’ll settle in to something different, unless I continue to quit within the first several pages.

This is often the thought I’m lost within…

Is creativity dead
everything has been said
reused, recycled and refurbished
words have never been hushed
they speak and speak
and I just need to take a leak
speak your mind
rotted with memes
and recycled images
and call it unique.

Some Sort of Creatures in a Jar.

I drew up several new designs tonight, and went back to a few other designs I’ve made in the past. I ended up changing a few things in a design I was working on a week ago, and in the end I went ahead and uploaded what I already had instead onto Redbubble. This is the design…

If interested in the Some Sort of Creatures in a Jar design it can be found on products above and more at Redbubble. If interested in checking out other designs by me here is that direct link TerriblyTina at Redbubble.

Flower Woman

I’ve been going through a lot of my old art work over the past few months. I uploaded a version of the flower with eyes when I first started my Redbubble account. In which I called it Creature Flower. I’ve been staring at a drawing I made with the flower in a vase, and decided I was ready to finish it. I played around with the drawing on the computer a bit, leaving the flower part mostly intact, with sloppy pencil strokes. The messiness of the pencil style seemed to be fitting for a flower. The vase I opted to make more solid.

This is what I got…

If interested in the Flower Woman Design it can be found on products above and others on Redbubble. If interested in checking out other work by me here is that direct link TerriblyTina at Redbubble.

A Demented Creature Thing

I made a few things tonight allowing my mind to escape the constant thought that drives me insane. This is the one I decided to share for now. I’m not really sure what to call it, an alien? A creature? Is the head attached to the creature or is the creature holding it? I wasn’t really sure, I felt demented was the best description I could wrap my mind around.

Here it is…

You can find the Demented Creature design on items above and more for purchase at Redbubble. If interested in checking out other designs by me go to the direct link TerriblyTina at Redbubble.

Streetlight with Skeleton Girl

When taking a break from children cartoony type of characters for children books I’m working on, I tend to fixate on blends of greys, black, and white shades in my art. I’ve always found that mixture most appealing. Even in photography I’ve always taken an interest in black and white photos over colorful images. Bright colors have a way of distorting beauty in a way in which it doesn’t appeal to me.

If your interested in the Streetlight with Skeleton Girl design it’s available for purchase on products above and more on Redbubble. If interested in checking out other designs by me click the direct link TerriblyTina at Redbubble.

Monster Tree Creature

Recently I have been trying to create as much as possible. I try to put effort into some sort of creative project daily working on a story, writing a poem, or drawing. Today I focused on art.

When I draw I don’t always have a set plan of what I want to create. I try to use art as a time in which I shut off constant thought and not stress about perfection. When finished I tend to add eyes wherever my mind can make sense of it. This time I combined creatures I’ve used in the past, blended them together added a huge eye and this is what I got….

Monster Tree Creature is available for sale on items above and more on Redbubble. If interested in other designs created by me here is that direct link TerriblyTina at Redbubble.

Binging on the shitty television show called life.

Recently life has felt like a shitty television show, all episodes released and I’m on a binge. First episode in it’s like this is really stupid, next thing I know I binged an entire season in a day, and it’s like what the hell just happened.

These characters are unrealistic. That shit doesn’t happen, the entire plot line is boring, a respiratory virus? People are accusing the CDC of a hoax? Every other television show or movie I’ve watched usually claims the CDC is withholding critical information, hmm this is different. This one is claiming the CDC is giving more information then needed to collapse the worlds economy.  That makes sense, not really to me though. Again I often don’t grasp things other people do I suppose.

Wait hold on people are hoarding toilet paper, I never thought there would be a time in which the luxury of wiping my ass wouldn’t be a possibility. Although no movie prepared me for this reality, however I often think people elsewhere in the world are probably siting back like you wipe your ass with paper and then flush that down the toilet? That’s some weird shit in itself, just squirt water it’s fairly simple and a cost sufficient solution.

A president suggesting the possibility of using toxic disinfectants as a possible cure to a respiratory illness. No wait that would never happen. No, disinfectant companies did not release statements informing the public under no circumstances  should disinfectants be injected, inhaled, or ingested. Everyone clearly knows what the word toxic means. Right?  If this was a television show I’d be like that’s unrealistic improbable, in this show called life anything is possible apparently.

Outside my home, feels a bizarre universe before this I was a slight hermit, forcing myself to integrate with the public and now I’m observing at a distance the world that’s plummeted into mass insanity. It’s hard to understand other humans need to socialize with a large majority of people, I have my children, my husband, and my thoughts to keep me company that’s enough. For others it appears its driven them into a fight or flight survival? I don’t know really. Spitting on cashiers, because someone works in the retail or service industry that doesn’t make them beneath another. Nor being a doctor or nurse means a person has to neglect their safety to put someone else first. Humans aren’t expendable as businesses perceive. Each person matters. Although who really benefits from all this crazy? CEO’s of companies, managers, owners? At the end I feel like the whole world lives on a system of borrowed money, none of it makes sense. And who really benefits?

Throughout all this chaos, if you’ve refused to wear a mask your labeled selfish, if you choose to wear one your labeled a puppeteers bitch. And I’m like uhh I’ll just put a mask on. What puppeteer, were living in a world where were at a loss on how to navigate a virus. Why waste energy and resources determining who’s at fault? Instead accept that changes had to be made to keep the virus contained.  Of course it’s shitty, and it’s crazy. It happened, you can call it a hoax, that wont change the reality. It happened. It’s happening.

In the midst of it all discrepancies have been brought up, as if a virus is about picking sides. It’s not it’s a virus. It flourishes when able, and it doesn’t have feelings or emotions. Unlike people. My thoughts have been in overdrive recently trying to make sense of it all. Of where the world is headed. Of what’s next? Of what this means for my daughter with school next year. I have no idea. As of now I’m just lost of where I should stand? What’s most important?  I’m often several steps behind everyone else so this is what I got as of now…

Polluted by all humans
It doesn’t matter your skin color
because unfortunately for you your human
and that means your burdened, fickle with thought,
feelings, emotions, and ultimately the sense
that in the grand scheme of life you’re a speck of dust
floating within a polluted world
polluted by all humans
me
you
him
her
us
they
them
any way you put it, everybody
yes I meant all of us
a collective whole of people
no you don’t get to be free of this
everybody everyone all of us
are ultimately humans
accept it.

Were all the same
Eventually we will all die
and when we each do
the bones are all that doesn’t corrode
exposing the truth were all the same.

Education and respect
Ignorance is a temporary state
one in which we can all relate
through education and respect
we will no longer have to live within our ancestors regret.

Just as at fault
I buy I consume
as others dive within their tombs
just as at fault
bring all this to a halt.
Stop
or we will drop
collapse in the economy
a war of sorts, we’ve all committed a felony
worried about consumption
ignoring every caption
terminology evolving
the essentials are dying
and we’ve all played a part
from the very start.

A life for a life
Sense of self
the idea placed upon a shelf
the cans tower high
as the assholes drift by
stocking up on the goods
living within their own hoards.
Back to their solitude
creating feuds
the idea misunderstood
what is the common good?
A life for a life
a smile, a struggle, a strife
they need to feed
and your hands are meant to bleed
To be beneath
all that chatter
what’s the answer
it’s about disinfection
just take an injection
and sacrifice
all the essentials at what price?