That is often how I feel, trapped within my mind watching terrible shit play out on a loop. Memories manufactured by my brain creating multiple worlds that emerge from short narratives presented by other humans in which my brain embellishes into sick and twisted scenarios. In which the characters are constantly trying to claw their way out, and I’m left staring at a computer screen thinking their stories aren’t worth sharing most of the time. As they continue to replay over and over. Always bringing me back to a dream I had a long time ago, with this old man sitting on the edge of my bed screaming in my ear, “write the damn book already,” startled awake afraid to close my eyes, because well he was an old man with sunken in eyes, and a stranger. I’m pretty sure a strange man in anyone’s room in the middle of the night would scare the shit out of them.
Anyways the line “As a writer, I feel I’m a prisoner trapped in an endless loop watching the depravity replay as if it was my own.” I decided to find it a home for now upon a notebook and stickers. I wrote it awhile back when I first started this blog to wrap my mind around my own thoughts of my writing. Ultimately when it comes to my darker writing style I have to pause and take long breaks between to keep me from total insanity. Recently I’ve found ways to continue to create and fulfill the itch I get to create by putting my energy into children’s stories and educational activities I create for my daughters and art. Although some of my drawings could be considered I wouldn’t say morbid just not happy pursue they definitely help escape some of the disturbing images that replay in my head as I work on my more disturbing stories.
If you or anyone you know feels the way I do heres the notebook for that. As a writer… notebook can be found on Redbubble along side several stickers. If interested in checking out designs by me here is that direct link TerriblyTina at Redbubble.