I’ll write it.

I’ll write it
because if I speak it
I’ll forget it
I’ll twist it
I’ll ignore you
because I’ll be worried
you won’t hear me
I’ll speak over
I’ll speak louder
so I’d rather write it down
I’m frustrated always
and it’s not you
it’s just my mind
the way it thinks
I can’t leave it behind
these things of me
I can’t just smile
I can’t just laugh
if the whole world is falling
I can’t just jump out of it
I’m in it
and my mind it smashes with it
and these things inside me
they hurt
swimming about
I feel it
gnawing at my mind
the curiosities
and there are days I feel
if I listen
if i sit quietly enough
they’ll tell me
what I need to hear
and then there are other days I talk so loudly
talking over it
because I don’t want to feel it
to feel the frustration
to feel the confusion
to feel every new opinion
and just be saddled by guilt
I hate it
like a wad of gum
sticking my feet to the floor
I just want everything
to swallow it down
because it overwhelms
it is
this mind of mine
of everything
all of it
it is humanity
it is pain that lives.

Thanks for reading.
-Temperamentally Tina