This human thing is killing me.

I just feel
like to much is in my head
and I can’t cry it all out
and I don’t feel like
being this human thing that I am
I feel it’s disgusting
a monstrous condition to be.

I’m always thinking
of how to be polite
of how to be safe
of how not to fuck up
and I’m always failing
saying words
that aren’t proper
aren’t helpful
never making enough money
to buy the food a family needs
always losing time
never enough to make it all happen
always hurting within the brain.

This human thing
is killing me
this overly politeness
yet nobody has it
and yet they mind you
of your cruelty
speaking up
honking as you past
no sidewalk
it doesn’t matter
they’re not kind
not then.

It could be the weakness in me
I feel shame
I feel the want to help
although the ability
is not in me
because I feel sickened
by this human thing that I am
we all must right?
Otherwise we wouldn’t classify
separate ourselves
although how can you
truly separate yourself
from an entire species
human is human
any color
any size
it is human
and it is fret
and it is spiteful
and it is difficult to be this.

Thanks for reading.
-Temperamentally Tina