You live to die.

You live to die.
You start life
without account
for your thoughts
do we think as infants?
Even if we had
I don’t remember now
so does it even matter?
We act on instinct
and our bodies grow
without a thought
deciding if it should
it just does.
Then we begin to remember
fragments of events
feelings we’ve had
even if we can’t remember the words
or the faces they came from
we remember the feelings
that we felt.
Time happens
and our bodies they age
in the beginning growth goes upward
and after time
it begins to rewind
only we don’t become younger
we age
our minds they rewind
frozen in decades
new events don’t register
and we replay the past
because in the near future
our minds know
we’re closer to hitting death.
Parts of my mind
repeats the thoughts
why even try
why even work hard
why put in so much
when you know
your only living to die?
My reply
is that my life
stopped being only mine
the moment
another life entered
and as much
as I try
and I fail
and I try
and I do
and I work
and it feels a waste
because I always feel as if
nothing is enough
and everything I write is trash
and everything I paint
is slop
and everything I create
isn’t worth
in this place of today
but I try
and I try harder
because if I don’t
my children will only see failure
and failure
only happens
when you’re finished.

Thanks for reading.
-Temperamentally Tina