Always doing the same.

I’m trying so hard
to dig those words down
trying to work out
the right sentence
the right amount of calm
but I’m to busy fighting it
those things that burrow in
filling me of anger
and aggravation
for being here
for having to earn enough cash
to give it back
to everything else
to keep the lights on
because one person
can’t afford four on their own
and I’m trying to find the ways to stay in
although I must just be a failure
and acceptance
is destroying me
as those things are getting angry
and I’m scratching my arms
trying to push them back in
as others are finding their way
up my throat
I’m gulping down spit
trying to push them back down
and when I stay in
I’m fighting through
all the institutional
junk that is weighing our brains
down tethering us to ideals
that I thought we’ve broken free of
and yet the hate of the past
is seeding every new person
and I can’t understand
how we can ever change
if we’re always doing the same?

Thanks for reading.
-Temperamentally Tina